Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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