I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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