She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
