Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
