I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
