i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
