Old men and throwing up are my life now.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
