I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
