I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
