Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
