too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
FUCK WHALES
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
