Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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