when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
