a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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