you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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