i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
