I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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