I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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