So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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