My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
