Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
