I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
