He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
