just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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