im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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