is wine microwaveable?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize