I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
