he shaved USA in his pubs
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
