just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
