I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
