I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
