she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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