no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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