Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there's paper in my vomit.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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