Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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