New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
