She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
