i will never coherently bang her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
