If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I look better un-naked...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
