I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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