Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
