Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You pole danced in your parka.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
