I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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