Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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