I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
