and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize