I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
