i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
