Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
