All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
