whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
