I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
