i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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