I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
