Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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