How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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