I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
