So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
