Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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