so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
