Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
