I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
