My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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