I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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