had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
