You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize