I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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