I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
