Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
