your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
