I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
