I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
