your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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