Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize