i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
