that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
