Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
