I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
