Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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