Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
