yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
