I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
